Happy Turkey Day. We’re having ham, thanks. Ham is basically bacon, and turkey is basically chicken’s tougher, stringier, monster cousin.
I bet the pilgrims probably WISHED they had ham at the first thanksgiving, rather than stringy game bird. But the Mashpee Wampanoag must’ve kept the bacon for themselves I suppose…and hundreds of years later, the tribe still regrets ever trusting and helping the ungrateful zealots who eventually deadly-forced them out of their homeland.
I say fuck the plundering, witch-burning pilgrims and all the bullshit about them in the history books. I’m grateful every fucking day. But I’ll take the 4-day weekend, thanks. We could rename it Grateful Bacon Day.

Check out this article from NPR: The Mashpee Wampanoag want you to know the full history behind Thanksgiving https://www.npr.org/2021/11/25/1059262045/the-mashpee-wampanoag-want-you-to-know-the-full-history-behind-thanksgiving