the future, now and then

Every so often, I like to go and dig up some old music and listen. Really listen. I am always amazed at how different it seems now…than it did then.

Then. Where was I when I first heard that? Who was it who introduced me to it? What did I think about life? Where, back then, did I think I would be now?

Today, I’m sitting in my home office, looking out over the small lake that I am grateful and fortunate to live beside. Today, I don’t feel fortunate, as I have just heard that a 14 year old child may have just drowned.

No one knows who the child was…well, someone does. Just no one I have talked to. I don’t even know if it was a boy or a girl. Somehow, I don’t want to know. All I can think about is being 14.

At that age, there is nowhere but the future. All you can think about is what you will do…someday. When you are old enough. When you grow up. The past is just yesterday, and you think of it only because of the plans you made for tomorrow. You never think that tomorrow might not arrive.

So, it’s only 4:30, but I’m pretty sure my work day is done. My focus is gone, and this news is truly overwhelming. I’m resigning myself to reflection and redirection.

Eventually, I’ll probably pick up the guitar, for no other reason than to be one with the music of my own soul. Through each note I’ll try to teach my brain how my heart sees the world, and in some small way maybe I’ll come to a place of understanding.

First I’ll probably check on my son…I’m sure he is OK. He’s 8 years old, and most likely in front of his computer. I’m not worried. I have no reason to be worried.

Still though, not far from where I sit there are parents, no doubt in tears over the tragedy which has just occurred. A few short minutes ago, they probably weren’t worried either. For me, it is a time to count blessings. A time to number the herd. A time to be sure of the things that mean the most.

Later I’ll probably put on some old music…something that reminds me of Then. When I was 14, and the World wouldn’t wait until I was old enough…grown up. When tomorrow would surely come.

Leave a Reply